between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
