no, he came in my armpit
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
