It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
