Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
