Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
