Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
