try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
