its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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