Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
