Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
