the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
