i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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