I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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