my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
