I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
