Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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