This girl is more easily done than said...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
