That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
