the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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