Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
