Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
