there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
