i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
