i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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