im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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