i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
