But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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