I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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