That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
