Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
