He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
