kristin has been a bad kristin
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
