Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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