im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
