D3 body, D1 cock
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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