I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
