he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
