I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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