Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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