But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
