I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
