Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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