i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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