every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Houston, we have a blender
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
