it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
