just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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