I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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