You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
