i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
