soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i came on her dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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