I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
