actually, I'm a sock model
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
