Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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