I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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