Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
