So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
