we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize