put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
