Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just come out here and I will go home with you...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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