Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
