the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
