I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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