I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
