He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
