I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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