Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
