I wannas sexs uuuuu
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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