I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
