There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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