We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
