Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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