Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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