What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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