If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
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