I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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