If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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