She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
