All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
