So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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